Tolerance vs. Acceptance

Words matter.

I believe they not only move the dialogue, they shape it. Take the word tolerance. When I worked with the public schools we were asked to "teach tolerance", that we should tolerate those who are not like us. Now we're back to connotation.

To tolerate has the connotation of reluctantly putting up with something (or someone) rather than embracing it. This frames the the discussion in terms of allowing someone or some group to exist, but with permission to hate them still. If you merely tolerate someone or someones, control is firmly in your hands. If tomorrow you decide you can no longer tolerate them, then you have every right to end their existence or move them to the margins of society.

What we need to teach is acceptance. Acceptance has a much more positive connotation. If you accept others, you embrace them as they are and where they are. You realize you have no right to do otherwise. I feel blessed to have worked in a Montessori school that understood the difference and managed to pass along acceptance to our students. It was beautiful to see. We taught that, while we could consider an action inappropriate, we could never call the person bad, stupid, or worthless. We all have our worth and have something unique to give to the world.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not sitting around the campfire singing Kumbaya and insisting we should all be friends with everyone else. We have the right to choose those with whom we associate. We can't get along with everyone. We can, we must, acknowledge their right not only to exist, but to live life as they see fit.

Let's reframe this dialogue.